Hello Again and a Few Chuckles

It's been quite a while since I posted anything here at Joysweb. Been concentrating on my book blog and trying to get lots of reading done. Also a lot of health and medical stuff going on recently - but you don't want to hear about that. (And neither do I!)

So I thought I'd post these funnies. Don't know where they came from originally; my husband received them in an email at work. So if I'm stepping on anyone's copyright here, I apologize and hope to be forgiven (we're talking church stuff here, right?).

These allegedly appeared in actual church bulletins around the country.

1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
   
   
2. The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
   
   
3. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
   
   
4. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
   
   
5. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
   
   
6. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
   
   
7. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
   
   
8. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
   
   
9. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
   
   
10. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
    
    
11. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
    
    
12. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
    
    
13. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    
    
14. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
    
    
15. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
    
    
16. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
    
    
17. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
    
    
18. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
    
    
19. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. Is done.
    
    
20. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
    
    
21. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
    
    
22. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
    
    
23. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
    
    
24. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

Wow, if number 17 is to be believed, church has gotten a lot more interesting since the last time I was in attendance.